Loving my "opposite" in every way: our interfaith, intercultural, interracial love story

Preface: if you're not open to hearing about an intercultural interfaith interracial relationship, don't bother reading :) I'm not sharing to argue for or against anything, just sharing to give some perspective on something many people aren't familiar with (i.e. judge in the privacy of your home, these are MY experiences, not theological points or arguments).

When I met my husband in 2016, he was just some random good-looking guy I didn't give a second thought to. He didn't give a second thought to me either: we met, were acquaintances at best for 4 years, an occasional "hi, how are you?" was sent, and we met again when I returned back to Sierra Leone in 2020.

I went for a walk with him one afternoon because I was bored out of my mind sitting at home, and he was free to accompany me. I remember thinking: what are we going to talk about? I have nothing in common with this guy. I was desperate for some exercise, and didn't want the cat-calling that came with walking by myself, so I was determined to make the best of walking with an acquaintance.

That walk opened my perspective on a lot of things and blossomed into an unexpected friendship of two individuals that held tightly to their respective faiths: Christianity and Islam.

I was adamant that I couldn't be close friends with him, initially. Or that I had to "save" him. I had never actually had a Muslim friend, He was adamant initially that I needed to be "converted". I remember after we had decided to "give each other a chance", with our first argument, I insulted the pillars of his faith. It was at that point I thought everything I knew about the world was "right", and I had an easy answer for everything. Hah.

I hid our relationship from some friends and family for a long time, and was terrified of losing my job with the Christian organization I worked with. I loved working there, and have lifelong family from my time there. When I told a close friend one day that I was dating a Muslim man, they said "you are no longer representing Jesus to anyone because of this". That was their truth, and many people's truth looking at me, and I'm okay with that now. Jesus represents himself, I can't carry that weight.

At a year and a half in, I finally made us "Facebook official" (cue the "woahs"- side eye grin), realizing that true love is not worried about what others think, and what I had with my now husband was true and real and deep. I didn't feel "butterflies in the stomach" with him, I felt safe. I felt home.

The number of conversations I had and messages I got from perhaps "well-meaning" people was a lot. Some people that previously had no interest in my life were suddenly "worried about" me, I got told things like I wouldn't "be a good mentor to the youth" I served, my husband would take other wives, "he'll abuse you", "he is in it for the green card" and will "leave you once he gets to Canada", etc. He got told things like "she'll make you abandon your family", "she'll boss you around", "she won't respect you", "of course you're interested in a white woman, is it even real?", etc. People came from all sides with opinions about us, many grounded in racist under and overtones, and many in strong religious views from both sides. Many people slowly distanced from me over time.

When I met my husband's mom, I was scared she wouldn't accept me. Somebody she trusted had told her that this white woman would "steal" her son from her, and make him "forget his family". When I sat in the room with my mother-in-law for the first time and talked with her, explaining how she'd be my family, I saw the fear melt away. When I asked her if she had a problem with me being from a Christian background, she said (in Krio), "I've gone through too much to hold any bitterness towards anyone anymore my child. If I held things against people, I'd have died from the pain in my heart". That will always stick with me. Her unwavering acceptance of me, and trust that I would hold to my word. Her words were also a reminder that bitterness and resentment eat at a person.

Alhassan and I had questions thrown at us often: "How will you raise your kids? What will you do when...? Are you sure this will work?" Some other questions that I won't put here definitely crossed boundaries (i.e. extremely inappropriate) that people wouldn't cross with a couple of one race and religion. We got SO MANY "you'll regret this one day!!"

As our relationship progressed, I lost some friendships. People that believed that I "back slid" (which in their eyes, maybe I did?). People that couldn't accept Alhassan. Losing those friendships hurt initially, and I realize now, it was the thing I needed to grow as a person. I'm glad I lost those people because gaining Alhassan is the best decision of my life. I honestly hold no resentment against anyone, in fact, I feel "lighter".

Living in Sierra Leone, I saw a lot of death and suffering. My faith has been deeply influenced by that. I don't fall into a "black and white" worldview anymore. Suffering sometimes leads people to that, and others away from that.

Many people have called me "not serious" about my faith/religion. That's okay, I don't care what I appear to look like anymore, I know my truth. Although my relationship with my husband challenged many of my deeply held views, my primary reasoning for deconstructing parts of my beliefs was what I saw day in and out. Not him. That whole topic is for another blog post, or a one-on-one in-person conversation. (Side note: again, I don't argue anything theology related -especially in online comments - It's not my place to influence or change ANYONE, and I respect your beliefs as long as they don't dehumanize others).

I love that Alhassan and I are opposites. I love learning how he sees the world, and he loves learning how I see the world. Some of the things I love about him the most come from his deeply held faith (which I won't talk about because it's his stuff to talk about). We've taught each other so much, and have learned that many of our differences create beauty and depth in our relationship. Relationships are hard work regardless of how "similar" individuals are, and we put in the work because WE decide to everyday.

Fast forward to now, long-distance marriage, because of coming from different nationalities (a weird human construct, in my opinion). We are new parents to a baby that's only grown the love we have for each other. It's been a year since we last saw each other in person, a year. Alhassan hasn't met his child. It's the hardest thing we've been through as a couple. WhatsApp calls have become a norm we never asked for. It's all worth it. One day this will be in our story, our past. One day.

For now, I hold to the fact that my "perfect match" came from giving my perfect opposite a chance. Our love has healed me and Alhassan in many ways, and pushed us to become better individuals. Our son will grow up in a home filled with love, and will see that differences should not create fear. We all can learn from each other, and love celebrates differences. Our story has come with pain, challenges, and hard work: but it's been fueled by unwavering love. It will always be fueled by love.